Assalamu alaikum brothers and sisters
I pray that you and your family are well in shaa Allah
Here’s a reminder that bewailing the dead is absolutely forbidden in Islam and brings torment to the deceased as a result of their loved ones wailing for them.
Al-Bukhaari (1291) and Muslim (933) narrated that al-Mugheerah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Whoever is lamented will be tormented because of that lamentation (or wailing).” Muslim added: “On the Day of Resurrection.”
Al-Bukhaari (1292) and Muslim (927) narrated from Ibn ‘Umar from his father (may Allaah be pleased with them both) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The deceased is tormented in his grave because of the lamentations (wailing) over him.”
Al-Bukhaari (1288) and Muslim (929) narrated that Ibn Abi Mulaykah said: A daughter of ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) died in Makkah, and we came to attend (her funeral), and Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn ‘Abbaas also attended. I was sitting between them and there came a sound from the house. ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said to ‘Amr ibn ‘Uthmaan: “Why don’t you tell them not to weep? For the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The deceased is tormented because of the crying of his family for him.’” Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “ ‘Umar used to say something like that.” Then he narrated the story and said: When ‘Umar was attacked, Suhayb came in crying and saying, “O my brother, O my friend.” ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “O Suhayb, are you crying for me, when the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The deceased is tormented because of the crying of his family for him’?”
Muslim (927) narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar that Hafsah cried for ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them all), and he said: “Take it easy, O my daughter! Do you not know that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The deceased is tormented because of the crying of his family for him’?”
These hadith were narrated from the Prophet (s.a.w) by three of the Sahaabah ('Umar, Ibn 'Umar and al-Mugheerah) and speak of the deceased being tormented because of his family’s crying for him.
Scholars unanimously agree that the crying (or wailing) which is forbidden is not crying in the general sense but rather wailing and raising one’s voice with the crying, and accompanied actions such as beating the chest, pulling one’s hair etc etc out of grief for the loss of their loved one, and the reason for their deceased loved one to get punished for such an action is because:
i) if that was his/her habit and he/she approved of such an act during his/her lifetime then they will get tormented for their family’s wailing of them after their death.
Al-Bukhaari said: “Chapter: The words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘The deceased is tormented because of his family’s crying for him’ if wailing was his habit.” So, if they didn’t approve of this wailing during their lifetime and even directed their family not to wail then they will not get tormented for this even after their death.
Ibn al-Mubaarak said: If he used to tell them not to do that during his lifetime, then they do any of those things after he dies, there will be no blame on him.
ii) One who requested that they be wailed for after their death as was the custom of the Arabs, however if one didn’t request this then they will not be accountable for the wailing of their loved ones as Al-Nawawi makes clear:
Al-Nawawi attributed it to the majority and regarded it as the correct interpretation. They interpreted the hadeeth as referring to one who requested that people weep and wail for him after his death, and his request was carried out. This person will be tormented because of his family’s crying and wailing for him, because he is the cause of it and it is attributable to him. But if a person’s family weep and wail for him without him having asked them to do that, he will not be tormented, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another” [al-An’aam 6:164]. They said: It was the custom of the Arabs to request that that be done, as in the lines of poetry composed by Tarafah ibn al-‘Abd:
“When I die, lament me as I deserve and rend your garment for me, O daughter of Ma’bad.”
iii) the view of Dawood and others is that instructions should be left for their family not to wail for them after their death. If one leaves these instructions and their family still wail for them; they will not get tormented because of their family’s actions because they did all that they could do with this request.
iv) A number of scholars said that what is meant by the ahadith is that they used to wail for the deceased and lament him by listing his so-called righteous qualities which were in fact qualities against the sharia for which he would be tormented for. So what is meant by “he is tormented because of his family’s crying for him” is that his torment is corresponding with his family’s lamentation. This view was favored by Ibn Hazm and others
They used to lament the dead for his leadership by means of which he oppressed others, for his courage which he used in ways other than obedience to Allaah, his generosity which was not in support of the truth; so his family weep for him and list these traits, when he is being tormented because of them.
v) narrated by Ibn Maajah (1594) from Aseed ibn Abi Aseed from Moosa ibn Abi Moosa al-‘Ashari from his father, that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The deceased is tormented for the crying of the living. If they say, ‘O my strength, O he who clothed us, O my help, O my rock,’ and so on, he is rebuked and it is said, ‘Were you really like that? Were you really like that?’”
Aseed said: I said, Subhaan-Allaah, Allaah says, “And no bearer of burdens shall bear another’s burden” [Faatir 35:18]. He said, Woe to you, I tell you that Abu Moosa narrated to me from the Messenger of Allaah (S), and you think that Abu Moosa was telling lies about the Prophet (S)? Or do you think that I am telling lies about Abu Moosa?
Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.
Another version was narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1003): “There is no one who dies and his mourner laments him, saying, ‘O my rock, O my master’ and so on, but two angels are appointed to shove him, saying, ‘Were you really like that?’” Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
This is supported by the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (4268) from al-Nu’maan ibn Basheer (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Rawaahah fell unconscious, and his sister ‘Amrah started to weep, saying, “O our rock” and so on, enumerating his good traits. When he regained consciousness, he said: “You did not say anything but it was said to me: ‘Are you really like that?’” When he died, she did not cry for him.
vi) That what is meant by torment is the pain that the deceased feels because of the wailing etc that his family does. This is the view favoured by Abu Ja’far al-Tabari among the earlier scholars; it was also regarded as more correct by al-Qaadi ‘Iyaad, and was supported by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah and a number of later scholars.
They quoted as evidence for that the hadeeth of Qaylah bint Makhramah, which says that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade her to cry for her son and said: “If you are kind to your little companion in this world, why can’t you say Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon [Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return] when he dies? By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, when one of you cries that causes his little companion to shed tears. O slaves of Allaah, do not torment your dead.” Al-Haafiz said: its isnaad is hasan. Al-Haythami said: its men are thiqaat (trustworthy).
This last view is the most correct of what has been said concerning the meaning of the hadeeth.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (34/364): Is the deceased harmed by his family’s crying for him?
He replied: There is a difference of opinion concerning this issue among the earlier and later generations and the scholars.
The correct view is that he is harmed by their crying, as is stated in the saheeh ahaadeeth narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
And Allah knows best
May Allah keep us on the straight path and protect us from ever going astray after He has guided us. Ameen, and may He protect our loved ones that have passed away, from such a torment, and protect us after our death. Ameen
So, when Allah takes my soul (as any of us can return to Allah at any time without warning) I need to make it absolutely clear for no one to wail for me please, if word gets out, or any other forbidden matters but rather say “inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi ra’ji’oon” (to Allah we belong and to Him we return) and accept it as Allah’s decree
Jazakallah khayrun for reading my post